When I was young, like any other kid, I attended Sunday school and was taught there was this extraordinary God. As elementary school and middle school came closer, there were times where I tried avoiding going to church because I felt like it was such a bore to me and I wanted to spend my Sundays with friends. I felt like I didn’t need God because it didn’t make a difference to me whether or not I went to church. I wouldn’t say my middle and high school years were memorable, because I dealt with so many things in my life that were hard to accept. Scars were left from many things in my past, problems that would not escape from my memory and brokenness that really tore down my walls to the point where I felt like I had nobody to turn to. Growing up, I tried to really keep a smile on my face because I was searching for a point in living. For the longest time, I had a heart with a lot of grudges held against people where I wouldn’t allow myself to forgive them, it made me such an unhappy person internally. I also asked God, “where are you in all this? Why are you making me go through this?” I had so much hatred in my heart, but I never let it out, so I kept it myself and it kept getting worse.
In 2011 at my youth camp, was when I officially accepted Christ as my Savior. I felt like there was this push inside of me that caused me to stand up to receive him into my heart, and that's when I started to break down. I couldn't control it either. I didn’t understand how one could love their life if they have been damaged and hurt. But at that point I just started to think about everything in my life. The good at the bad, everything He's given me, everything I had to go through, I felt like I could just place my whole life in His hands and all my worries were gone. I wanted to surround myself with this feeling forever, because it gave me this indescribable sense of comfort, like someone was holding me so tightly they would never let go. It was an amazing sense of security. Like I had a father who loved me, who cared for me, who would never leave me, who gave me hope in everything, which was the feeling I've been searching for all along.
Going into college, and not making it into the school I wanted to attend, made me angry with God. Testing my patience and relying on his timing, God didn’t bring me into the fellowship EPIC until after my first quarter at Cal Poly. I attended EPIC Conference Jan 2013 and being there, I could see that a lot of other people were just torn apart and desiring to lay their lives before our God, and it was just so powerful and moving to see. God definitely tore me apart at this conference only to put me together as a person who would go back home turning away from my old life that needed a change. After conference, I kept attending EPIC meetings, small groups and events and I finally felt like I found a group of friends I could call my family. Attending Fall Retreat in 2013, there was a night of learning to be vulnerable and loving others regardless because He has first loved us. This night, I just closed my eyes and I felt God holding me with nobody else in the room, and telling me everything I went through in my past will all be okay because he is the only person who could fill up the pieces of brokenness in my life. It was definitely not a smooth ride in finding my identity in Christ. I know that he will continue guiding me, and with him I will never feel alone again. I’ve had an amazing and crazy journey in finding God, and I feel like I’ve really grown since the beginning of my walk, because I realized how our God is so loving & life-changing.
In 2011 at my youth camp, was when I officially accepted Christ as my Savior. I felt like there was this push inside of me that caused me to stand up to receive him into my heart, and that's when I started to break down. I couldn't control it either. I didn’t understand how one could love their life if they have been damaged and hurt. But at that point I just started to think about everything in my life. The good at the bad, everything He's given me, everything I had to go through, I felt like I could just place my whole life in His hands and all my worries were gone. I wanted to surround myself with this feeling forever, because it gave me this indescribable sense of comfort, like someone was holding me so tightly they would never let go. It was an amazing sense of security. Like I had a father who loved me, who cared for me, who would never leave me, who gave me hope in everything, which was the feeling I've been searching for all along.
Going into college, and not making it into the school I wanted to attend, made me angry with God. Testing my patience and relying on his timing, God didn’t bring me into the fellowship EPIC until after my first quarter at Cal Poly. I attended EPIC Conference Jan 2013 and being there, I could see that a lot of other people were just torn apart and desiring to lay their lives before our God, and it was just so powerful and moving to see. God definitely tore me apart at this conference only to put me together as a person who would go back home turning away from my old life that needed a change. After conference, I kept attending EPIC meetings, small groups and events and I finally felt like I found a group of friends I could call my family. Attending Fall Retreat in 2013, there was a night of learning to be vulnerable and loving others regardless because He has first loved us. This night, I just closed my eyes and I felt God holding me with nobody else in the room, and telling me everything I went through in my past will all be okay because he is the only person who could fill up the pieces of brokenness in my life. It was definitely not a smooth ride in finding my identity in Christ. I know that he will continue guiding me, and with him I will never feel alone again. I’ve had an amazing and crazy journey in finding God, and I feel like I’ve really grown since the beginning of my walk, because I realized how our God is so loving & life-changing.